I’m writing to you three weeks into coming down with COVID, and although I’m getting better day by day, I’m still not myself.
The coughing won’t stop. Not gonna lie — -last night I pissed my pants coughing so hard.
Despite a good night’s sleep, I’m still pretty tired most of the day.
And there’s still this annoying nose congestion that is making it hard to smell all the great things I usually take for granted, like good coffee and freshly baked bread.
But dealing with someone I thought I’d adequately prepared for with masks and vaccinations has got me thinking about the work I do with women just like you.
So for this week, I want to share with you what this damn COVID is teaching me about divorce recovery….and what I plan to incorporate into my own clients’ divorce recovery plan.
Lesson #1: You may think you’re doing everything right, but shit still happens. That’s a sign that something needs to change.
Despite the vaccinations and masks and avoiding places with lots of people, my ass still got COVID. And recovering from it means that I’ve had to make some changes in my life in order to heal.
I had to slow down to rest.
I had to reschedule a lot of appointments and social functions.
I had to be more selective of how I spend my time.
My life needed to change in order to move ahead….passed this icky COVID stuff.
In that way, getting out of your divorce rut is hella similar to COVID recovery.
You may *think* you’re doing everything right in order to move on.
You are probably “checking all the boxes” in your life and following divorce advice, but you’re still feeling stuck and lonely, like life is passing you by.’
Finding more boxes to check won’t get you unstuck after divorce.
If what you’re doing is not working for you, it’s time to change it.
Lesson #2: You are responsible for your recovery. But it’s okay to ask for help.
I found out that going about my business as usual wasn’t going to cut it to recover.
I needed to change what I was doing to recover from COVID as quickly as possible.
So I had to block out most of the day to sleep.
I had to cancel a few online things I *could* have muscled through, but a sick Martha would not have benefited anyone.
I too had to exercise the boundaries I’ve been preaching about to you all.
Because I knew that if I tried to soldier on, I’d only prolong feeling bad.
So, what does that mean in terms of divorce recovery?
You have permission to change your schedule when you need to make changes.
It’s necessary to change your behavior when you need things to be different.
And it’s okay to ask for help.
With COVID, I needed the grocery delivery and DoorDash to deliver what is now a meth lab’s worth of cold and allergy medicine in my house.
You can outsource things when you need to.
So if you’ve been divorced for a while and seem to be stuck, just waiting wont’ change how you feel.
But getting outside help will.
And paying extra to feel better and focusing on yourself is the investment you cannot afford to *not* make.
Lesson #3: You have to be in it for the long haul. But that’s an opportunity.
When I got this stupid thing, I thought that I’d have the sniffles for two days and I’d be back in fine fighting form.
Ha!
I was a double-vaxxed and boosted woman from the mountains. My friends call me the General. I had a pain tolerance so high that I didn’t need painkillers after my fallopian tube removal or a recent sinus surgery. So I thought I’d be over COVID quickly.
But none of that shit mattered.
So, here I am, well after I first tested positive, and I’m still navigating the incessant coughs. The constant fatigue. The feeling of malaise.
Here’s what I am learning from it.
I have to use this time to slow down, rest, and take better care of myself.
Giving myself time and compassion, but being proactive in taking care of myself.
Sound familiar?
Much like an unexpected illness, recovering after divorce is going to take time.
But it’s also going to be your wake-up call.
To put yourself first.
To make yourself a priority.
And to examine some of the patterns that no longer serve you.
Even if you’ve evaded COVID, or have recovered from it, I’d invite you to treat this message as your wake-up call. And ask yourself the following:
What changes do you need to make RIGHT NOW to get the life you want?
Write in the comments below!
